ORLANDO, Fla. — As a public service, well offer this admittedly sketchy pun as a means of making what is sure to follow is a bit less jarring.
This week at the PGA Tours season finale at Disney World, the top two players on the money list will battle it out in the same pairing, with the tours top-player honor quite possibly in play, too.
Disney hasnt had this much buzz in lightyears.
On Monday, the tour announced it would pair world No. 1 Luke Donald and No. 12 Webb Simpson during the first two rounds at the Childrens Miracle Network Hospitals Classic, which starts Thursday.
With a guy named Donald playing at a place like Disney, let the one-liners begin.
Usually, the attention at the finale centers on the handful of bubble boys hovering around No. 125 on the money list, the spot needed to secure full playing rights for the following season. This time, though, the Simpson-Donald duel had flipped the onus to the top of the cash chart.
The winner gets a five-year exemption, and though Donald starts the week just over $363,000 behind Simpson in earnings, a victory this week might also be enough to deliver him the tours Player of the Year honor, because of his consistency and dominance globally.
Before their battle commences, European Tour correspondent John Huggan and CBSSports.com Senior Golf Columnist Steve Elling stage their own thrust-and-parry production in this weeks transoceanic Pond Scrum, where the Disney duo is certainly at the fore as the tour hits the rear of the season.
Gentlemen, the theme park is yours. Please wear your seat belts and no sticking your hands, feet or wagging tongues outside moving vehicles.
Before we address the PGA Tours season finale, there was a rather large tremor felt Sunday in Portugal, where promising 20-year-old Tom Lewis of England won in his third pro start on the European Tour. What impact will it have?
Elling: Even in the States, Lewis is no stranger to press coverage. He was named after Tom Watson, played with the American great at the British Open last summer, and finished as low amateur after stealing the storylines on the first couple of days. As much as anything, Im relieved for Lewis, because based on stories written abroad, he doesnt have any occupational backup plan. He barely paid attention in school — which means he can probably do our job. Now hes all set with an exemption and can skip Q-school.
Huggan: Weve seen Lewis coming from a distance. A year ago, I watched him play at the Australian Open in Sydney, where he finished as the leading amateur. I was enormously impressed. If you like long and straight off the tee, great with the irons and smooth putting, then Lewis is your man. One week earlier, in fact, he had lost a playoff at the New South Wales Open, an Aussie Tour event. Then, of course, came his exploits at the Open this year, where he led after 18 holes. So its safe to say that he has some history in dealing with pressure. Which is not to say that what he did in Portugal wasnt stunning. Five birdies in the last seven holes is the way to get it done.
Huggan: By way of comparison, Rory McIlroy won his 38th pro event, Tiger won his fifth and Graeme McDowell won his fourth. Move over, gents.
Elling: Or at least, make room. He seems remarkably unflappable. Even after he had pulled off the incredible rally to yank the rug from under the more accomplished vets in the field, he looked calm and remarkably composed. It was a pretty good Sunday for Hail Mary plays, and were not talking about the NFL. Ben Crane was eight back with 11 holes left and won in Georgia with a similar rally.
Huggan: Except Ben did it a lot slower.
Elling: I thought it was funny that Crane posted early … and had to wait. And wait.
Huggan: I think the word you are looking for is ironic.
Elling: There were some decent players in the Portuguese mix Sunday, too, including Ryder Cupper Peter Hanson, an under-appreciated player for sure. It wasnt the deepest field the European Tour has to offer, but when you are 20 and looking for a foothold, you take what you can get. Ask Rickie Fowler.
Huggan: Exactly, Im not sure Lewis is Ryder Cup standard yet. But we may get the chance to find out. Hes already third on the qualifying list for next year.
Elling: I got a huge kick out of the Twitter message posted by McIlroy after he learned Tom Lewis had won: “Well done, lad.” At this point, McIlroy is a seasoned veteran, I guess, at the ripe age of … 22. Meanwhile, teens are winning LPGA tournaments. I guess all these junior circuits like the AJGA are prepping kids faster than ever for the majors. That and qualify instruction, videotape, dietary and nutritional advice, and golf academies.
Huggan: The leading amateurs over here do get every chance these days. They arrive on tour as seasoned international travelers and with experience of playing in many pro events, just as Lewis did.
Elling: I think in some ways, size works in favor of the GB&I kids. They can be identified as future stars more easily, and the national organizations can help usher them along. America is paralyzed by size, the greed inherent in the game, and other pollutives.
Huggan: You may have a point there. Im no expert, but it does seem like organizations like the AJGA are more for rich kids than any kids. Over here, there is definitely more of an egalitarian spirit at that level.
Elling: Lewis jumped from No. 621 to 166 in the world ranking Monday. Pretty good for his third week on the gig, huh?
Huggan: Indeed, plus Lewis had already featured in his first Euro Tour event in Austria, where he was T10. Impressive enough for a debut. Lewis also did one very smart thing when he turned professional. He hired Colin Byrne as his caddie. Colin is one of the best out there, a very smart and experienced man. He has worked for the likes of Retief Goosen, Paul Lawrie, Greg Turner and Edoardo Molinari.
Elling: No question, Colin Byrne is well-known on this side of the pond as well. The guy is bright, knows his way around and is actually a published author. Some caddies do not even read (kidding — sorta).
Huggan: True, Colins weekly column in the is always an interesting read.
Elling: As I recall, isnt Young Toms father a club pro? So I imagine they worked their butts off to make this happen for their son. Good for them. He seems like a very decent kid. And he doesnt wear his cap like a wannabe rapper, thank goodness. Or throw clubs like a baby.
Huggan: Toms dad is a teaching pro. He hails from Welwyn Garden City, which is the hometown of one Nick Faldo.
Huggan: I must point out also that young Tom has a Scottish granny. I knew there was something about him.
Elling: Are you sure? I think the family once owned a Scottish Terrier. You might be mistaken.
Huggan: I am not mistaken. The lady in question was present at the Walker Cup last month. In Scotland. Where GB&I beat the visiting Americans. Remember that?
Elling: Cup competitions staged outside the borders of the USA no longer count. Like the dollar, they have been devalued. New rule.
Elling: Tell you what, you could compile a heckuva list of prospects players if you did a Top 10 under age 25 these days. Both genders.
Has Webb Simpson done enough to win the PGA Tour Player of the Year vote?
Elling: Excellent question, perhaps because I wrote it myself. Honestly, I have no idea and it remains impossible to truly predict. My impression is that the voting body on this issue, the PGA Tour membership itself, doesnt spend much time worrying about anything other than the color of their wifes next courtesy car. Good thing I am here to worry about it for them. Conscientious dude that I am.
Huggan: I have two ways of looking at this PGA Tour player of the year thing. If the criteria is “who played the best golf on the PGA Tour during 2011?” then Simpson edges it for me over Luke Donald, as long as Donald doesnt win Disney this week and pass Webb on the money list. But if the measuring stick is “which PGA Tour member played the best golf in 2011?” then the winner has to be Donald, whose worldwide record is peerless this year.
Huggan: I suspect that the former will prevail, of course. Most PGA Tour players dont spend a lot of time paying attention to events elsewhere in the world.
Elling: Thats the thing. I am not at all sure it has ever been delineated that clearly. We are trying to be coherent and apply practicality and reason to the process. For all I know, the ballot has a list with five names on it and reads, Pick One.
Huggan: And that may be too complicated for some.
Elling: Some pay attention, some do not. A couple of guys indicated to me, and this was admittedly before Sundays outcome at Sea Island, that Donald was their guy. Some know the full global story. How much should it matter? No idea.
Elling: So, for context, here is where we are on Simpson: He has a pair of tour victories, and a pair of playoff losses. He leads the money list, but has made seven more starts than has money list No. 2 Luke Donald. Both are playing Disney this week and its the first time in years where the cash dash should represent an important part of the Player of the Year equation. In the past, Woods or Singh had already nailed it down by now.
Huggan: Oh, I dont doubt that Luke will have some support. But I think the tour could do a better job of indicating to the voters exactly what they are measuring. If cash is to be a measure, shouldnt it be a weekly average for each guy?
Elling: You know what I would like to see? The tour should release the vote totals. I strongly suspect the data have never been issued because the return rate on the ballots is laughable. Go ahead, prove me wrong, Ponte Vedra. Give us the numbers.
Huggan: Huh, so it isnt compulsory? Im shocked… :-)
Elling: As to your point, we both know that cash is just one yardstick. Vijay used to play over 25 events annually. He had a leg up on Tiger in that regard based on opportunity. In scoring average, Luke leads. Thats another measure. Donald will almost certainly win the esteemed Vardon Trophy.
Elling: I was going to ask Tiger last week who he thought deserved the Player of the Year award, but then I remembered that he doesnt get to vote. He didnt play in the mandated 15 events for the second year in a row.
Huggan: Poor Tiger. He just cant catch a break, can he? If were talking worldwide wins, Donald also picked up the BMW PGA Championship at Wentworth — a proper event with a great field — and the rain-shortened Scottish Open.
Elling: The voting constituency is a capricious lot, but for Donald to really have a chance at the PoY, he likely needs to win at Disney — then hed have as many victories this year as a half-dozen other guys, including Simpson and Keegan Bradley. Nobody has more than two in the States. Vexing note for Donald fans: Disney has been around since 1971 and the total number of foreign winners is three, which includes two-time champ Steve Ames, who is actually from Mars.
Elling: Anyway, thanks goodness for this pair, because the bottom of the money list isnt looking particularly compelling. Of the bubble boys from Nos. 121 to 128 on the list, four are exempt next year already. Woods is No. 121, by the way. Incredible.
Huggan: Still, it must be conceded that the so-called “Fall Series” has managed to stay upright more this year than in past seasons. Wee Timmy will be chuffed with that.
Elling: Yeah, no doubt, they lucked into some powerful storylines this year. Finchem ought to send a limo to the airport for Donald and Simpson. Its not the Fail Series this time around.
There have been 18 playoffs already on the PGA Tour, a record number. Lets hear the theories, fellas.
Elling: Parity. Period.
Huggan: Its either a coincidence, or the equipment these guys use has leveled things out so much that it is harder than ever before to separate oneself from the competition. I suspect that is a huge factor, one that was disguised for long enough by Tigers preeminence. If we went back to a ball that spins more and so moves sideways more and outlawed metal-headed drivers, the Tiger of a few years ago would have 100 PGA Tour wins and 25 majors by now.
Elling: Its not just the tools, its the artisans. Think of the guys who have carried the burden for the past decade, names like Woods, Singh, Mickelson, Furyk, Harrington, Goosen and Els. That group of seven studs has combined for one PGA Tour win this year. For 150 other guys, that spells, Hello, opportunity.
Huggan: The point of the game is to identify the more skilful but that is gradually being lost at the highest level as bad swings and bad strokes are more and more eliminated by huge-headed drivers, hybrids, belly putters and high-lofted wedges. You just dont have to be that good to be good any more.
Elling: Just play well for a week? Maybe just for nine holes. Clearly, there isnt much separating the players at the top these days. Its a group photo. Donald is No. 1 because of his laudable consistency, not because he has piled up a wad of wins, per se.
Huggan: The game at the elite pro level is more of a putting contest than it has ever been. And every week, we do seem to be getting more than one guy putting great. Hence the long list of sudden-death playoffs. Have you looked at the putting stats from inside four or five feet? These guys miss less and less from that range. At this rate, theyll never miss in maybe another decade or so. Count me out when we get to that stage.
Elling: Interestingly, the playoff on Sunday ended abruptly because of missed putts. Simpson missed a three-footer in sudden death, his fifth misfire of the week from inside five feet, according to the Golf Channel.
Huggan: What also doesnt help is the consistency of conditions on the PGA Tour. The greens are basically the same speed every week. So the guys get used to it … and better at it, too. If things were mixed up a bit more, they would also be a whole lot more interesting. Id also love to see a par-5 18th hole that doesnt have a) water and b) a fountain in that water.
Elling: I will give you partial credit there. In the past two weeks, they have played on lumpy West Coast poa and grainy Southeastern Bermuda. There is nothing remotely similar about those types of greens.
Elling: They use water fountains not so much for decoration, actually, but to keep the water from stagnating, then turning into an algae-carpeted gator farm.
Huggan: What about the green speeds, though?
Elling: The speeds are similar, for sure. I am not dismissing your thesis, just noting that its not exactly the same. It takes a while to adjust to grainy Bermuda. Some of us transplanted Floridians are still trying.
Did you blokes notice that Greg Norman popped off, yet again, about Tiger Woods last week, saying he would not have named him to the Presidents Cup team if he had been the U.S. captain? Norman, of course, is the International teams captain.
Elling: It has been my experience, both personally and professionally, that the best way to motivate and annoy Tiger Woods is to write (or state repeatedly) that he is incapable of accomplishing something. Woods is going to be in a heightened state of agitation, for sure. Whether he has the firepower in his bag to get even, who knows?
Huggan: I laughed out loud at that, especially when I recalled how the Sharky-man selected a woefully out-of-form Adam Scott for the last Presidents Cup in San Francisco. If that was OK for Greg, why not for Freddie?
Elling: I not-so-vaguely recall Woods being pestered about his middling international cup record in San Francisco at the PrezCup two years ago and finishing with a 5-0 record. Sure, Steve Stricker carried him around like a papoose, but still. Probably how Steve hurt his neck, actually.
Huggan: The bigger point, of course, is that Tigers selection only highlights the fact that the matches are not to be taken too seriously. This is not much more than an exhibition, folks. If it were being taken remotely seriously by anyone concerned, then Tiger would never have been picked.
Elling: Amen.
Huggan: I mean, if Tiger were taking this thing seriously, hed be playing more than twice in the lead-up to this supposedly historic occasion. He isnt, so hes not.
Elling: Come on, Tiger is also playing in a bunch of scintillating, one-off payday exhibitions in Asia and Australia before playing in the biggest exhibition of them all, the PrezCup. Reps, baby.
Elling: Gary Players selection of countryman Trevor Immelman also raised eyebrows at an earlier PrezCup. Norman picked Japans rising Ryo Ishikawa two years ago, when the kid probably didnt deserve it. And so it goes. Its as much about marketing, moolah and demographics.
Huggan: Player picked Trevor so that his young compatriot would get the PGA Tour card that was then on offer to all Presidents Cup players. It was a smart, but transparent, move. Ishikawa was picked to stimulate interest in the huge Japanese television market. Call me cynical, but its all pretty obvious, isnt it?
Elling: Cynical would be the nicest thing anybody called you. The Immelman deal was such an obvious display of cronyism, that tour membership rule was rescinded. Our mutual point being, they aint always taking the best and most-deserving option on the table. Like, you know, major winner Keegan Bradley.
Huggan: That Bradley wasnt selected was, of course, outrageous if you are looking at this event as a serious contest. But it isnt. Im sure the PGA champion understands. He seems like a smart kid. Of course, Tiger is maybe looking at this as a farewell appearance in the PC. Hes getting all nostalgic and emotional about it. Yeah, right.
Elling: Yeah, all of a sudden, he wants to play? Why is that, John? Oh, right, to rehab his rep. Or to let a few of the slathering folks at Golf Channel do it for him.
Huggan: Speaking as someone who doesnt believe anything emanating from the hole beneath Tigers nose, I have my doubts about that “wanting” bit.
Elling: Come on, you can always assume one thing about what Tiger spews — it blows harder than a two-club wind.
Huggan: What you have to remember is that Finchem and his cohorts dont actually care about the game of golf, per se. Everything they do is predicated on making the maximum amount of money from whatever dodgy deal they are currently engaged in. This is no different. Tigers presence means more money.
Elling: Ill say it again — it also has polarized a certain segment of the populace. Tigers presence means some Yanks will be pulling against the USA team. Trust me, I get angry emails and Tweets from these people. They make me seem like a reasonable person.
Huggan: People root against the big, bad US of A?? Never! Besides, it isnt really a USA team, its a PGA Tour team of Americans.
Elling: I expect to hear a handful of American people chanting, “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oy, Oy, Oy,” throughout the land!
Huggan: The one indisputably great thing about the matches is that we are all going to get a close look at one of the wonders of the golfing world: Royal Melbourne. Pay close attention. Youre going to get a chance to see golf as it is supposed to be played.
Elling: With any luck, we might witness some of that from Donald and Simpson this week in Central Florida, too.
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